My wife is due any day now. It's a source of a lot of anxiety for us. We have her bag for the hospital packed and by the stares. It's a constant reminder that at a moment's notice I may have to pick it up and run. Being on the NICU right now is something of a worry for me, as there are times when I'm "THE" guy who takes care of the babies...but I've worked that out with my other residents and fellow nurse practitioners, who all agree that I shouldn't miss the birth of my son :P With all the bumps now seemingly smoothed out I feel like I'm riding a bullet trainl, speeding unimaginably fast towards something I can't possibly comprehend or imagine, something I know I'm not ready for yet...but I'll have to be.
The baby these days is really big. My wife has the cute pregnant woman "waddle" that one gets about 36-37 weeks gestation. Seems like I give her massages every second that I'm with her, she deserves them, between pregnancy and her rotation on surgery I doubt that I could fair even half as well. That little guy is so big when he kicks her it causes her stomach discomfort, so now she hardly lets me talk to him...especially if he is sleeping, she doesn't want me to disturb him...as she is the one that pays for it.
The other day while I was on call, I helped delivery a lady who was in the most excrutiating pain I've ever seen. I've seen a lot of deliveries at this point, but she was "exercism" mad/in pain. I really hope my wife takes an epidural, I don't want to see her like that, but if it happens it happens...right?
Every parent I talk to says its simultaneously the most exhausting and most rewarding thing you'll ever do. I thought I've been exhausted in residency, but this advice is coming from other residents...I'm really nervous for this...but at the same time I'm looking forward to it a great deal.
I imagine becoming a father is a lot like when I first became a doctor. I remember the first day, how nervous I was putting on that white coat...but you have to put it on anyway. You feel self conscious and undeserving of it for awhile, but as more and more work pile onto you, and greater and greater responsibilities get levied upon you that feeling fades and you grow into the role...not an immediate transformation as you'd secretly imagined in the back of your mind, but a slow process of growth that gradually fills the giant shoes you've been called to step into...shoes that I'm not even close to filling yet...suddenly I'm going to have two pairs that I'll have to wear at the same time...sounds combersome and uncomfortable...hope I can manage without tripping up to much...or falling flat on my face.
Newbie Doc
