I Want a Danger Meter

Have you ever had an occasion where you've been really poisonous, almost to the point where you knew there was something wrong with you. There are times when I am "grumpy" and I know why I'm that way. But since becoming a doctor, there have been times when I come home and I am nasty to everybody around me.  Today, I was like that.  It wasn't till later when I was talking/apologizing to my wife that I finally struck upon the anger that was fueling all these toxic feelings.

There was a 1 month old I examined who over it's short life thus far had suffered several rib fractures, a skull fracture, currently had several bruises, and several breaks of his long bones. While questioning the mother about this I was perfectly polite. It wasn't until several hours of picking on my family and myself after work, that I wondered why I was so angry...and then when I thought of her again I exploded...I wanted to kill her...her indifference to her child's condition, the way she could smile in the face of it all...I don't know if my mind was trying to protect itself while I was with her by closing my mind off to the conclusions that I should have naturally come to, but as soon as I thought about her at home it was like my mind had a poisonous bubble of puss growing with increasing pressure and as soon as I thought about it I popped it and all that hatred and anger came rushing out.  She is either too stupid to know her child is being beaten or she is protecting those who have done it to her son or she herself is doing it and trying to get away with it.  In either one of those cases I hate her.  I know I'm supposed to remain objective and be the "doctor" that non-judgmental ideal...but I can't all the time, the worst part is I don't even know when I'm doing it, it just starts building up...I wish I had a danger meter on my forehead and somebody would just be like, "Hey Newbie-Doc, You better purge man, you're building up to dangerous levels."  I hate my job sometimes.

Newbie Doc