On the doctor side of things, one of the things that scared me the most when I received my medical school acceptance letter was that right then I knew that some way, some how, for me to succeed I'd have to find the confidence and wisdom to lead people, to be a leader. That is a scary thought to a guy who was consistently picked last on every sports team ever concocted. I'd pushed myself to run for different positions in college, knowing I had to at least try and be "social", but I was always a failure. So why did I place myself in a position where I knew I would have to become something I most definitely wasn't...I was young and stupid mostly and really hadn't thought it through. Luckily, someone upstairs saw me through it. Looking back at that timid kid who couldn't climb his way to the top of the pile. My advice to myself would have been to fake confidence and have faith that you are smarter than you think you are. To smile like a moron and laugh hard at people's jokes. To save up favors like people save up money. To play the game people play and when push comes to shove, if you have to be the leader and someone challenges you, you put them in the dirt (figuratively, not literally). One of the things I hadn't quite thought through was that I somehow believed I could go through this and not be changed by it. I walked into the supermarket yesterday and a lady was down on the ground having a seizure, people gathered all around her, so you could barely see her. The college student me would have watched quietly at the back, the medical student me would have done the same even if he knew they were doing something stupid, but the doctor me cuts the crowd and takes control of the situation. It just amazes me, how training can make you do something so counter to your instincts, how you can mold yourself into a different person if the situation demands.
Every now and again I meet someone or a friend of someone who is going to medical school. There is an instant feeling of wanting to tell them what awaits, to make them understand the weight of that decision, the change that they will bring about on themselves and others around them, but you really can't convey something like that and even if you could it would fall on def ears, they often are so determined. Instead all I can typically muster up is, "You poor bastard". :)
Newbie-Doc
Am I really an Attending now?
