Parents

I wish I could take credit for this.  An attending who was once my senior, was supervising my care of a patient in clinic.  She wasn't allowing us to vaccinate her 2 month old child, an act of supreme idiocy...not in my opinion...in medical fact.  Her reasons, as they always are, are misinformed, ignorant, misguided and often selfish.  After politely arguing with her for 15 minutes, behind my mask I'm a red faced maniac.  I walk out.  My attending discusses this with mother longer and he himself comes out very frustrated.  Guessing the end result of his conversation I say, "Well you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it."  He looks at me for a second and with frustration in his voice, "But you can light one on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." Parents are often the hardest part of our job.

Newbie Doc

Dragon Slayer

So this same time of year my first year of residency, I was sitting on the porch drinking a beer.  I was depressed.  I had just found out I had a failing score on my in-training exam.  An in-training exam is a test we take to measure our medical knowledge once every year in anticipation of taking the mother of all tests in my particular career choice.  It's hard enough that people who have been out of residency many years, have still yet to pass it, even though they are full doctors and practice pediatrics daily.  You can be a practicing doctor and even function as pediatrician, but this is the test that says you are not only a doctor, but a doctor with the seal of approval to specialize in caring for kids, you are a licensed pediatrician.  It doesn't come with  a pay increase or anything, for me it's a pride-validation thing. I consider kids the most important patient population out there.  I don't care if I got paid in lolly pops and stickers for my work, it's the only medicine I'd practice. It would be a slap in the face if I wasn't officially counted in the ranks of my peers.  It's honestly not notable that my score was failing, everybody fails it in residency (in a given 3 year crop of residents only 10 residents in our 125 person "school" pass this test before they graduate and this is a very competitive, smart residency), but my score was low enough that I was lumped in the bottom group of all the residents in my residency.  That day was a wake up call that none of this was going to be a cake walk.  I changed some things around and started doing daily study, I started teaching other residents, and really digging into my medicine.

When my beginning of year two score came back I eased up my study a bit, I found myself just above average.  I knew my beginning of year three score wouldn't be any good.  I actually planned for it, cause my goal was to kill the monster that laid in wait at the end of residency.  When I went in to do my test, my plan was to go through it one time only without my testing routine.  I usually finish a test and then run through it two or three more times in a particular patent pending way.  Throughout the years, I've developed a routine for testing, as every veteran test taker does, it's something I HAVE to do if I want to do my best.  I've found it typically boosts my scores about 10-15% from what they would have been, it's not scientific but it's what experience with ALOT of tests has shown me.  My plan was to see what my worse case scenario score was on this test.  I figured this would do several things, it would show where my true weaknesses were (the "routine" gets questions right that I don't actually know), my abysmal score would scare the crap out of me and get me back into a hard core studying routine, it would also likely scare my superiors at the program and get them on my back about studying, there would be little chance that I wouldn't study like a dog this year and consequently be ready for this killer test awaiting me after graduation.

So I went in and for the first time in many years, left my routine at the door.  I took the test and left 2 hours early, as I got up WAY early I'm sure my friends either thought I was being an idiot or was really smart, I didn't care, they didn't know what I knew that I was tieing one hand behind my back to make me stronger, that I would likely fail this test HARD.  That was 4 or 5 months ago, it takes some time to tabulate a score like this and compare it to every pediatrics resident in the nation.  Today I opened the email entitled I.T.E. score.  "Here we go..." I thought, preparing myself for the worst.  I scored so high that I actually passed the exam that I take next year...I passed a whole year early?!?!  I've looked over it several times to make sure I'm not misreading it.

There were those few "super-residents" who managed to do such things, my old seniors Mindy, Kelly, and David they were a couple of the very rare few who could actually pass the in-training, am I really one of them?  Usually people study all third year, read a medically dense 2 inch book two or three times, and take a intensive private study course in isolation for a whole week before slaying that monster test...I literally killed that monster on accident?!?! How in the hell did I do that?  All year long I've been feeling like this teenager living under a parents roof, I don't always agree with my superiors anymore, they don't seem like the supermen that I first envisioned when I entered residency. I have this need to get out of the nest and succeed on my own.  Secretly I felt I was getting to big for my britches, that even though I had this feeling I really wasn't ready.  There is more to medicine and treating people than a test, but this is a very unexpected surprise...maybe I'm not ready yet, but I'll be damn if I'm not starting to fit the part.

Newbie-Doc