"I'm No Super Man"

SO today was my first day on the job as a new doctor. I'm going to start with getting up in the am - I think it is the scrubs song "I'm no superman" that made me think of this comparison, but when I threw all my clothes on and SLOWLY put on my white coat, I suddenly felt very weird. I felt like a poser, imagine if you'd been to superman school and learned how he does all his miraculous acts and how those things happen, but most of them you've only seen done once or twice, maybe some of it you don't even know about, but today is your first day as ol' supes, and while you know you are SUPPOSED to be able to do what he does, you won't be stopping trains with your bare hands anytime soon (if you can help it). You put on the suit and cape and realize your kinda scrawny to be wearing it. You know that when you go outside someone will laugh at how ridiculous you look trying to pretend to be that hero when you know you totally are not. Mostly your scared because you think someone might expect you to jump over a building or do something else incredible. This doesn't even cover your fears of what the other superhero's will say when you show up at their headquarters, even if the real world gets fooled into thinking you are that superhero, they, your co-workers, most definitely know you are not that guy, are they going to laugh when you come in dressed like this? Maybe I should just wear scrubs, but you know you're supposed to wear it so you take a deep breath and put that long white coat on that so many of the people that you've looked up to and learned from for so many years wear - it's scary.

Then you get there and there is SO much to do and learn. You thought you were smashed with stuff to know when you were a medical student, now you not only have to know all those things, but you are expected to take responsibility for your patient, so you do, knowing that today you most certainly will experience crushing defeat. Luckily, this residency I'm at had the old interns (the ones I'm replacing) stand behind me all day and show me how to operate the computer and sometimes even show me stuff I don't know (OK that's actually probably the theme of today - What I don't know, that second one happened ALOT). Anyways they were great I felt overwhelmed and a bit out of place like I'm walking around in over sized clown shoes, but for the most part it's what I've come to expect from new rotations: discomfort, sense of being overwhelmed, and feeling like you're an idiot...then you learn and get better and soon you'll be able to fake it convincingly...I haven't got to the whole "being" the doctor part yet, but I imagine that comes after the faking it convincingly.

Patient wise I really didn't have any crazy ones today (which was a blessing). Really just gather the facts and make a plan, present it to the attending, write a note and some orders, and you're out. I did get to go to a delivery. It was another new intern's baby but I tagged along just to watch (every little bit helps). The baby was born with some risk factors that made it likely to be in trouble, so we were called in to assist with delivery. Overall, the baby ended up being pretty easy going, he did have a head defect known as craniosynostosis (sutures of the head are closed - usually they are open at birth allowing for brain growth), which isn't horrible if its caught early which it was, he will simply need some corrective surgery soon. The little guy was really cute and gave us a good old cry straight out of the womb (good sign). My biggest scare/surprise of the day came when the baby was born and it was our turn to take care of it.
As a medical student, training isn't real hands on. You get to see people do stuff, but mostly the actual doctors are doing it. It's really aggravating sometimes as a student to think you're going to get to perform something cool only to have it stolen out from under you by a doctor who wants to do it. So mostly you're standing in the corner of the back of the room watching things go down, it's annoying but you get used to it and you try to do things when you can. That's why it was such a shock to me when Karly (our senior resident) had Jen (the new intern in for the baby) stand up front and center with the baby and warmer as it was received. Karly pointed out all Jen's tools and made her do everything....WOW! While Jen didn't have much to do with this well-behaved little boy, it was still an awesome shock for the realization to hit me that we're the doctors now...(so far I'm not feeling it yet).

Scrubs - The Complete First Season