Opinionated Aren't We

Did I ever say that my kids are my greatest teacher in my pediatrics residency? They are simultaneously harder than a medical residency and more educational.  I often tell the interns, I don't require that you have a child to be a pediatrician...but if I could I would.  My biggest professional cringe moment is when I think back about some of the advice I gave parents before I was a parent...pshhh...how did they not reach out and slap me.  There are pediatricians I know that have been at this 25+ years without kids...and they are still spilling that same cringe worthy advice out to parents without a clue to how dumb and unrealistic it can be.  My top lessons my kids and my patients have taught me.

1. Kids are resilient and often survive despite our best efforts to kill them.

2. They are human beings, not Furbies, despite what every author/doctor would like you to believe there is no direction manual for your child...we try to help you figure your little one out.

3. Some people shouldn't be parents, some parents shouldn't have been children

4. Use your eyes not your ears with little ones or every sneeze will send you to the ED

5. It's ok to tell a parent there child is crazy...just explain it really well

6. It's ok to tell a parent they are crazy...no explanation is needed...they likely already know 

7. It's ok to not know everything, to be wrong, and to make mistakes - just be honest and remember who you are here for.

8. Most pediatrics advice is not evidence based (you can't perform tests on kids...ethically anyway), if something your telling a patient seems stupid, either figure out why you don't understand it, or don't tell it to them.

9. Sometimes kids need yelled at...Sometimes kids need spanked...If you don't hate doing it then you should stop doing it.

10. Flattery will get you everywhere.

11. Women ARE smarter than men, but children can in certain instances make them retarded. 

12. Men ARE dumber than women, but children can in certain rare instances make them even stupider. 

13. If you're being politically correct, then you are too worried about what other people think of you.

14. Be yourself, then be professional...people want treated by people...they tried robots, it didn't work.

15. How do you know a teen female is lying...her mouth is open.

16. They actually have a specialized doctor for dealing with teenage women...called a psychiatrist.

17. Stereotyping works, but it'll make you a stereotypical ass every now and then.

18. Recognize your limitations you don't know how to mind control patients...yet.

19. Everybody likes gifts and shiny toys, it works for kids and really works for adults.

20. Give a smile to get a smile with an adult, forget the adult is in the room to get a child to smile.

Newbie Doc