Senior-itis

I can't believe less than 12 months are left in my residency.  I wondered going in who I would be and what all would transpire when I came out.  When I got into medical school I had heard that becoming a doctor would change you.  I went in with that and a determination that I wouldn't let it, but you can't help what you experience and your experiences change you for better or for worse.  It's about like I thought, I'm not better or worse for it, just different.  I've found strengths I didn't know I had and sadly weaknesses too.  I'm starting to get anxious to start this next part of my family and I's life. If I think about it too much my head fills with a billion scenarios as to what will happen, as usual it's never any one of the hundreds I concoct, usually a mix of many.  That's something I've learned about myself in the last couple of years, even if it's horrible, if I expect it, I can handle it.  One of my greatest fears/annoyances are the things I can't expect, I compulsively try to expect the unexpected and I think my job has only made me worse in that respect.  Every single day at work as I hand my patients over to the new doctor taking care of the patient I'm trying to handle problems and foresee hangups before they ever occur, I think if you have the slightest tendencies before residency you come out full on OCD.  I'm hitting the sack, as I'm finally tired enough to sleep, these electives depress me, one other thing I've found out about myself, I need real work to burn off energy or something or else I just spin my tires, it's so dumb that on these "easy" months I can't keep it together, but the hard ones I'm straight as an arrow.  It's like those old farmers that finally sell their ground, they're so attached to it in another month you find them six feet under it.

Newbie Doc