The Night Owl

Today I find myself back in a NICU again, and today I experienced the same uncomfortable morning that I've come to expect when starting a new rotation, the feeling that you are in over your head.  Admittedly, it's not as bad since I have worked in the NICU once before, but it was a different NICU...which is like going to a different country and practicing medicine; sure both countries have similar forms of medicine (it's unavoidable because a human is a human is a human) but the protocols, guidelines, computer systems, and bureaucratics are completely alien to a newcomer. 

Another oddity of this NICU, which is particularly immigrant heavy, is that it currently is very quiet.  There are several theories to the cause of this, as NICUs are normally very busy, but the main two is that a lot of surrounding hospitals have opened level 1 and 2 NICUs of their own, stealing my patient population; the other theory involves certain legislation passed this year which is allegedly scaring away my "illegal" patients.  So I find myself on call, sitting, waiting for something to happen with a slight undercurrent of anxiety running through my brain.

While my patient load and patient complexity are likely to be lower than the previous NICU, I am at the same time, burdened by the fact that my attendings, at the end of the day, go home, leaving me to fend for myself.  If a child comes in overnight (which will eventually happen), it's me and only me delivering it.  Those infrequent nights (at the other NICU) of an attending not making it to the delivery room in time (leaving me to do it by myself) will likely become buisness as usual here.  I've heard previous interns who work here tell horror stories of having to run codes on kids by themselves.  I suppose at some point the little night owl gets kicked off his branch and must learn how to fly solo, but that doesn't mean I have to look forward to it.  Right now I'm standing on the branch, staring down at all the places I could go, and thinking about all the things that could happen...I'm hoping that when I do fly solo (be it tonight or some other dark night in the future) the weather will be clear, the luck will be abundant, and the ground will be soft : P. 

Newbie Doc